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Return from the Dead, Act I: Odyssey of the Underworld
An alarm clock went off. Slowly drifting from the warm embrace of sleep, Chapel groaned from being awoken by his local radio station tuning in Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. Sliding out of bed, the well-built man fell out clumsily in his briefs while fumbling his hands bitterly over the counter next to his bed, trying desperately to end his early morning torment. His feline, Princess, landed on his radio perfectly with her paw on the button to turn it off. He rubbed his eyes clean and looked up at her in gratitude "Good morning to you too. And if my timing is right, Angel should be knocking on our door shortly." His timing was usually right. Just as Chapel predicted, Angel knocked on the door. "You up yet? C'mon man, put some oomph into it." He snickered at the stupidity of his comment. Chapel groaned as he got up and began getting dressed, greeting Angel "That's what she said!" As tired as he was, his strange uniform fit like a glove: a black, leather suit with a red trenchcoat, black gloves, and black biker boots. "Of course that's what she said. Of course, HE must have been ticked to hear that one." Angel said, wondering how far down this rabbit hole they could, and probably would, go. "You are the only person I know who it takes an eon to get out of bed, ya know that? And they made you leader." his voice was laden with sarcasm by the bucketload. Fitting his gloves on whilst Princess licked her paws and rubbed her head bathingly, he replied "Must be my masculine charm or gorgeous blue eyes." "Charm, perhaps. Or maybe it just happens to be the fact you're the only one who can, and practically did, outshoot me, who can outshoot many others." At this, Chapel twirled his twin pistols in his hands and holstered them neatly at his sides. Twin Desert Eagles with extended barrels, two firing sequences for compact shots and armor-piercing for both close and long-range, and almost fifteen different ammo types, ten of such being enchanted. The D.O.W. pays no expense to keep it's agents fully-equipped with the best arms money can buy. Angel shook his head. "What? You forget to make coffee? What kind of should-be-sleep-deprived-soldier are you? After some of the things we do and see, coffee is our only sanity, along with a heaping help of humor, of course." Chapel took his large cursed Claymore, Wrath, out of his closet and sheathed it in the back part of his trenchcoat "Coffee? Sick. How can you drink that crap? You can enter, by the way. I'm dressed." "About time." Angel snarked while opening the door. "And the coffee thing? Meh, you get used to it. My advice, use cane sugar, and don't even try sacrin, stuff makes anything taste bad, or worse really. So, anyway, what horrid song did you get woken up by today?" Chapel popped his neck casually as Princess jumped onto the bed and strolled over to greet Angel, rubbing her head against his hand "Some pop song the kids listen to nowadays. Something I have no doubt Lucy would listen to." Angel couldn't help but laugh as Princess started rubbing his hand. "Hello to you too Princess. Chapel my friend, when will you learn, the proper way to be woken up is by something loud and unexpected. Hence, a Metallica cd I bought." Chapel grimaced "Never took you, a fan of that Linkin Park stuff, a fan of Heavy Metal. Either I'm dreaming or someone's balls have dropped. Or both." "Chapel! Why would you even mention such things with innocent ears nearby?" Angel motioned to Princess. "And second, why would you be dreaming my balls just dropped?" Chapel shrugged "She gets around. I'm sure the street cats talk way worse than that. Besides, you need to keep your balls out my dreams, laddie. But let's be off, we've wasted enough time already. You're turn to buy breakfast, by the way." Another Day, Another Donut A fresh box of pastries for only $10.99. America was the land of the free. In the lobby of the new office building of the D.O.W., Chapel and Angel enjoyed their morning breakfast of donuts, coffee, and orange juice. Was sort of weird, having this huge office now. Back in the good ol' days, the D.O.W.'s office was nothing more than a big storage shed, or at least cleverly disguised as one. After the whole incident in Al-Khali, big changes were made to how things were run around here. Especially after Apocalypse left... Out of the blue, a gunshot was heard. "Damn it," Lucy said a bit loudly, "that's the third time this week that I've blown a hole in the ceiling!" Her heart pounded when she heard footsteps outside her office. "Chapel is going to kill me..." Quickly she hid under her desk and furiously began to fiddle with the gun she was building, the one that made the hole in the ceiling in the process of its manufacturing process. Luckily Lucy had never blown a hole through herself. She liked to build weapons in her spare time, and although she was exceptional at increasing their power, was terrible at remembering basic safety, which was odd considering her remarkable talent for worrying about safety. Chapel huffed at his seat and stood up "Be right back. Have to attend to Lucy-in-the-sky-with-Diamonds." At this, he tromped off to Lucy's office with a stern, punishing look "What was that?" Lucy paused, attempting to be as quiet as possible. She thought that if only he thought she wasn't there, she could get out of a punishment from him. A blush went across her face when a dirty thought or two ran through her mind of said punishments, but she immediately shook them off and was slightly disgusted with herself. The lack of sleep not only left dark marks under her eyes, but had tainted her thinking, as well. Chapel grimaced "Don't make me serenade you!" A moment more of silence and he began singing Everything I Do, I Do It For You by Bryan Adams extremely loud so that everyone in the neighboring offices and in the hallway could hear "Look into my eeeyes and you will seee what you mean to meee!" The singing trailed into the lobby where Angel could hear, stopping in mid-bite and looking over a where Chapel had went, hearing his obnoxious singing echoing into the formerly quiet lobby. "Ya' can't teeell me it's not worth tryin' fooor! Ya' can't teeell me it's not worth dyin' fooor!" "Oh, for fu-ow," she exclaimed, hitting her head on the desk as she started to stand up, "Oh, for the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, SHUT UP!" Her boot slammed against his arse before she turned away and hid her face in her hand, hiding an even darker blush than before. "Why do you have to be so embarassing?" Chapel rubbed his rear sorely "Would you really have me any other way?" He smiled innocently at her before glaring up at the bullet hole in the ceiling "What the hell is that?!" "Err... it's... umm... it's... well..." Lucy bent down and picked up the custom-made hand gun she had been building before Angel and Chapel had arrived, and smiled as she put it in Chapel's hand. "It's got much more power than you'd expect. It can shoot up to hundreds of yards before even moving a hair from the target at which you aimed. It will also penetrate through bulletproof armour, metal depending on thickness and composition, and straight through a demon's skull. All you have to do is aim and squeeze the trigger, although it doesn't carry many bullets so you'll have to load it quite frequently," she smiled at him, a bit excited with her newest creation, when suddenly the bullet that was shot earlier fell back to the ground through the hole in the roof. "See?! Look! Accurate, eh? Won't be bothered by aerodynamics in the slightest," she picked up the bullet and set it on her desk at the end of a row of other bullets she had collected from her experiments. Chapel examined it and turned to her, saying in a mock-Scottish accent "A little tiny i'dn't it?" As far as he was concerned, the bigger the better. Angrily, she furrowed her brow and set the gun down on her desk. "Size doesn't always matter, you know," she grumbled, briefly trying not to snicker at the unintentional innuendo, "picture this. You pull out a tiny little gun, the enemy gets overconfident, and then you blow him to smithereens." Chapel chuckled behind a gloved hand "Lucy... we're killing monsters, bogeymen, ghouls, and goblins. Not robbers. These things don't get overconfident. They get hungry. The only thing that can possibly hope to pass as a threat to them is something of relatively hefty size. Many muscular, terrifying men are frightened of me for the exact same reason. It's all about size." He knew he was sounding a bit biggotish, but he enjoyed teasing her about her ways of thinking, knowing all too well she'd argue his claims. "Fine," she said rather loudly, "you go walking around with a big clunky gun and get your poor little arms tired carrying it, while I'll be traveling light with something that is just as effective." She stood glaring into his eyes and poked his chest hard. "Now... I smell pastries." Chapel looked back at the door, then back at Lucy, then quickly ran toward the door to ensure she wouldn't get the last of the donuts. "NO!" she yelled, then latched herself onto Chapel's back, "THOSE ARE MINE AND YOU KNOW IT! I WORK WITH YOU! Come ooooon, aren't we friends?" Chapel yelled while struggling with his laughter "Angel! Hide them!" Viewers shook their heads or laughed along with Chapel for his misbehaviour in the workplace. Angel grabbed the last of the pastries with all due haste, and decided Chapel never said where to hide them. He managed to scarf one of them but the few remaining would need proper hiding, so he slid them into his coat pockets. "All clear now Chapel." As Chapel piggy-back carried Lucy out of her office, they ran into the director himself of the D.O.W. He stood, staring sternly at them "How proper for a military branch." Chapel grimaced and rolled his eyes "Great... Look who the brass dropped out of their hats... Sergeant Steel-Turd." Lucy's head and heart pounded as she realized who they had run into, then quickly yet hesitatingly slipped herself off of Chapel's back and bit her lower lip, expecting a lecture.